I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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