Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
