Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
