i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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