May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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