I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Randomize
