i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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