Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
