my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
ok first of all what the fuck
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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