brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
