a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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