I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
