gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
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