Whod you bang
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
