He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
