did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
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I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
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Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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