Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
