The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
