i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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