dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize