You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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