i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
vagina is talking i cant
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
