Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
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I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
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I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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