Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
