remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
