what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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