I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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