My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
