I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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