Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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