I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
