worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
