Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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