lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
