my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
