Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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