I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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