What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Randomize
