There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
