i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
