he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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