we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
