cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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