I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
