"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize