I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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