he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
