I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
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You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
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if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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