You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
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Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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