Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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