R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
im drinking this country out of the recession.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
