Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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