Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize