He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
