woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
