Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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