The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
