i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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