it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
