the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
