Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
