Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
