Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
