His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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