our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
