He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
