Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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