the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She told me I should be a condom model.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
