He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
